my day, today, melted into a happy haze of wet pavement and soggy fallen autumn leaves under a cloud of sleepiness brought on by a restless night and a whirlwind CPR and First Aid training class this afternoon. i press on... i'm slowly learning the discipline i need to push through some things and on to other things that can revive my energy for the better. an hour at the gym instead of a latte, for instance. happily endorphin-ized, i float through my office shift... bombarded by the requests and questions of ten million teenage girls... i can't remember what i did get done and what still needs to be done, but it doesn't breed worry or anxiety like usual. my mind is filled with an odd floaty contentment, even though my tired body aches for rest.
before today or maybe before yesterday, my mind was loud with doubt and contradictions... it's a cycle i suppose... my heart forced into a civil war with the part of me that both entertains my dreams and screams them to pieces with logic and cynical realism.
curse you brazen loud brain, you who trick my heart into believing that joy lay outside the reach of my life's warm comforting grasp. how do i so easily trick myself into thinking that joy is elusive, when i know, i KNOW that joy's roots are settled firm and sure in my heart; all i need do is look inward to find it... all i need is to believe.
when i remember this, i am able to tap into my joy like a maple tree and its sugary sweetness floods my veins once again, reminding me of the truth that lies within and i realize something...
finding answers in life is about finding the truth that already lies within you and being able to have faith in THAT.
1 comment:
Hi there! I was thinking about you, so I thought I'd drop in say "hi!" I hope your making it through the winter. I'm sending a blue sky your way.....
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