trying to move forward

why is it that when you want to forget about something and move on, that specific thing keeps popping up everywhere? you think that you're making progress and then, "wham!" it pops up out of nowhere annoyingly waving in your face saying, "haha, i'm still here. don't forget about me!"

i got my tarot cards/palm read for my birthday (it was my request and i have AWESOME friends who took me out!).

the recurring theme was that i needed to let go of certain things...people...past relationships and trust myself. i know...my head knows, what i need, what i need to do, where i need to go etc. i know this--most of what she told me just reinforced things that i already "knew"--but recently, it has proven extremely difficult to follow through on some of these things. especially where "letting go" is concerned.

faces, memories, past events pop up in dreams or just in the back of my mind...floating there just in the periphery, never completely out of sight or thought. taunting and tormenting me, haunting my dreams, reminding me... pulling emotions and memories back from times past to the surface of my present life.
she (Caroline, the psychic, tarot card, and palm reader) asked at the end of the reading if i had any questions...i didn't then. but now, now there is a whole host of questions floating around in my head. why is it so hard to let go of certain things/people? what do i need to do to make that process move forward...to get the things that i WANT to let go of out of my head? do i have a hard time letting certain things go because they are significant in some way that i haven't figured out yet? or because i have unfinished business?

mirror, mirror, on the wall...

who's had the crappiest day of them all?


so today was one of those days where, looking back, you regret ever getting out of bed. nothing went right, nothing felt right, i had no energy or drive or motivation, hormones had my memory in a full nelson with no signs of loosening their grip. i'd think to do something and i'd turn around to go do it and have already forgotten what it was that was in my head not 10 seconds ago. re-tracing my steps usually helps, but you can't get very far in a day when you spend the majority of your time backtracking trying to remember what it was that you were just about to do.

the savior to the day is that it's almost over and i got through it. i guess on days like today, that's all you can really ask for. tomorrow will be better, i'm almost certain of it. the fact that i can be certain about anything in my current emotional state is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

i'll go to bed, wake up tomorrow with renewed energy, and, in the words of as smart little fish, "just keep swimming."