CreativeRoots

Drawing:

2010-08-10T14:29:00.001-04:00

Strangely meditative and strongly therapeutic…

My mind slips off into a state of transient awareness and I am intensely relaxed and yet almost hyper aware… stimuli pass through me and rather than being interrupted by them, I pull pieces from their subtle effects and allow the rest to float through me, off into the oblivion.

Lines, marks, my pen strokes the page as though it knows where to go all on its own… my hand is guided by the page, my mind engaged, yet fluid…

I drift away.

the creative process:

2010-08-09T15:55:00.000-04:00

I am human; I am creative because I am human.

Brain more capable, mind more versatile, spirit more resilient than could ever accurately be given credit for…

Every time I must choose, decide, pick one over the other, I use my creative abilities.

Every time I adjust, modify, adapt, evolve, I tap into the deep well of my creative power.

Every time I speak, form a thought, communicate, gesture, I embody the creativity that lives in every fiber of my being.

I am human; I am creative because I am human.

the creative brain dump

2010-08-04T12:47:00.000-04:00

Brain drain, dump the train, stay the track or go insane

Produce too much or don’t create, sometimes I can’t initiate

Love to love, or love to hate, cross the bridge, walk through the gate

Falling, falling, spinning round, sweep the sky and touch the ground

Alice falling down the hole, whirling twirling have to go

Looking glass from the other side, I stare and wonder what’s inside…

A world, this place I’ve never been… to miss it now would be a sin

Moving forward all to fast, run from now escape the past

Forward motion, smoking gun, hurtling train of creative fun

Screaming, barreling down the tracks, don’t turn around, never never look back

Remember, always, where you’ve been, growth, change, and every friend

Blue, true, wired, wait, buy the book to get the bait

Thinking, looking all around, sight, smell, taste, sound

Imagine, wonder, stories abound, mistakes we make keep our hearts on the ground

Silver linings keep me warm, watch me, save me from the storm

Stress anxiety, my own strife, keep me, sleep me in this life

Twinkle, sparkle, snap and shine, synapse firing down the line

Idea, realization, truth, me… take the leap and set it free

by nature of being human, i am continually affected

2010-07-20T23:55:00.000-04:00

every waking moment i take in information

feel, see, hear, smell, taste

i internalize
conceptualize
realize
analyze

think, breath, move, wait

i moderate
anticipate
regulate
pontificate

input, process, output
input, process, output
input, process, output

by nature of being human, i am continually affected

listology: the "to-do" list

2010-07-19T00:41:00.000-04:00

i think i've created a whole new art form for my self out of making "to-do" lists...

it's ritualistic, creative, and organizational all in the same moment, at least that's how it feels to me. i need them, i like making them, i like crossing things off of them... they work for me.

over the course of the next 10 days these are a few of the things that will be on my "to-do" lists:

complete a mural with the young artists at my community arts summer internship site
complete an oral history project (research, contact person to interview, interview, cut, transcribe, edit, fine tune)
complete a final work of art under the theme of "koinonia" based on relationships
begin visiting and applying to fall/spring community arts residency sites
find an apartment to move into by Aug. 1st
other "stuff" as assigned or as needed
maintain my sanity :)

good energy fairies of the universe unite! i'm gonna need all the help i can get.

my heart is my shield

2010-07-14T09:01:00.004-04:00

there are monsters in my midst
spirit chomping, energy sucking monsters who only seek to puff up their own ego
i have something they want, but they cannot have it
they will fight and taunt and push, but they will not get it
my heart is my shield
i am strong
my roots are buried deep within the fertile ground of my history; love, creativity, true goodness
my wings stretch high above me, too high for the monsters to reach
my purpose is written in the stars
my heart is my shield
i am strong
i am strong
i am strong

trusting my intuition

2010-07-12T11:30:00.000-04:00

i am here for a reason, this i know.
my journey has brought me to this place,
unknown in detail, yet known to my soul.
every step that i have taken before has prepared me for the adventures and challenges that lie ahead.
i will trust my hearts knowing to guide me through.
i will trust the truth that lies within.
i will trust the rich well of creative strength that is rooted deeply in my being.
i am here for a reason, i must follow my heart.
i will trust my intuition.

New Beginnings...

2010-07-11T23:22:00.013-04:00

so i'm trying this whole Blogging thing again...
i've moved to a new city, Baltimore, MD... i'm embarking on a new adventure and beginning a new chapter in my life as a graduate student at the Maryland Institute College of Art, earning my MA in Community Arts.

we are expected to reflect every day on the site work that we are doing, and i feel that recording my reflections on my blog would be a more creative format for documenting my journey and the thoughts and feelings that i encounter along the way.

i've re-vamped my blog--updated layout, new background, sassy color scheme--in the hope that spending a bit of my creative energy reviving my ol' online journaling companion will keep me invested in doing my required reflection here... we'll see. it's all new uncharted water i'm sailing into so, i have to keep an open mind and a flexible approach.

ta-ta for now,
sukey

brain mush...like a rotten pumpkin... only smarter

2009-10-28T02:31:00.000-04:00

my day, today, melted into a happy haze of wet pavement and soggy fallen autumn leaves under a cloud of sleepiness brought on by a restless night and a whirlwind CPR and First Aid training class this afternoon. i press on... i'm slowly learning the discipline i need to push through some things and on to other things that can revive my energy for the better. an hour at the gym instead of a latte, for instance. happily endorphin-ized, i float through my office shift... bombarded by the requests and questions of ten million teenage girls... i can't remember what i did get done and what still needs to be done, but it doesn't breed worry or anxiety like usual. my mind is filled with an odd floaty contentment, even though my tired body aches for rest.

before today or maybe before yesterday, my mind was loud with doubt and contradictions... it's a cycle i suppose... my heart forced into a civil war with the part of me that both entertains my dreams and screams them to pieces with logic and cynical realism.

curse you brazen loud brain, you who trick my heart into believing that joy lay outside the reach of my life's warm comforting grasp. how do i so easily trick myself into thinking that joy is elusive, when i know, i KNOW that joy's roots are settled firm and sure in my heart; all i need do is look inward to find it... all i need is to believe.

when i remember this, i am able to tap into my joy like a maple tree and its sugary sweetness floods my veins once again, reminding me of the truth that lies within and i realize something...

finding answers in life is about finding the truth that already lies within you and being able to have faith in THAT.

Do not fear the dark within.

2009-10-07T18:42:00.003-04:00

Today, I walk around fighting my own emotion... fighting myself for sanity and clarity. I don’t want to be here, in this murky place--unclear and difficult to understand. I fight and struggle to rejoin the calm happy spirit that meditates peacefully on the hillside of my mind, but today, my efforts are to no avail. I must proceed through the darkness, regardless of what brought me here...

When I find myself in this place, teetering precariously on the dark and twisty Cliff that plummets into the gully of self-abhorrence, my mind spins with questions and doubt... with unfulfilled desires and the fear of never having certain things... never achieving certain things, in my life. ...And i wonder, am I enough? ...What if I were smarter, prettier, funnier, thinner, more ambitious... better in any number of ways? ...Am I enough?
I crave life... love... joy... but on these days they dangle, tauntingly, just outside of my grasp.

I keep fighting. I search my emotional pockets for a match to light the darkness, to burn away the debris that clouds my psyche and weighs down my heart. I find one and I light it. The flame pops into existence, but only illuminates the questions as they burn in my eyes...

What do I have to learn from this, from this place that I continually find myself in? ...To keep fighting... to be persistent and to persevere? ...To be more bold and less afraid? ...To worry less, care less, about what people do or do not want from me? ...to let go?

I cling to the hope of possibilities--however delusional they might be--but today I am disappointed and I feel lost... sad. I push forward without expectations, open minded without seeking specifics... still, I feel taunted like the rabbit chasing the elusive carrot, dangling just out of reach. I am tormented by my own desires, both hidden and seen; I require that which does not require me...
Am i... my own worst enemy?

little boys and photo booth

2009-03-13T02:40:00.008-04:00

to many, the idea of lots of rowdy little boys is annoying, frustrating, loud, obnoxious... but not me. i have 6 nephews; SIX. ranging in age from almost 14 down to 3 years old; they are the light of my life. every time i visit home, they beg and BEG to play on my computer...they just love taking pictures with Mac's Photo Booth application.

i really need to capitalize on their silly creativity because the give me some great pictures to go back and look at whenever i need a smile or a chuckle. it'd be fun to start printing the pictures on t-shirts, just for fun... or to make silly comics or cards out of some of the poses they come up with while playing with the different effect settings.

they will entertain themselves for HOURS!

priceless, just priceless!

if personal ads weren't quite so pathetic and desperate...

2009-03-04T19:12:00.005-05:00

seeking: mutual constancy, dependability, accountability, support... someone to give me a push when i'm stalled, help me up when i'm down... a go-to person. someone solid, grounded, and balanced; a person i can always count on. i'm lacking that in my life. i seem to be that person for many others, and i willingly and proudly fill that role; but i find--though i love my friends dearly--that none of them fills this role in my life. i find myself lonely and longing for that unwavering source of strength, stability, and solid wise advice. not that we all don't struggle at one time or another... i realize and willingly admit this fact. this fact is also the reason why i feel, now more than ever, that i need such a person. when i struggle, i don't feel like i have someone as described above to go to. i know that my friends try, that they always support me to the best of their ability, and i am grateful for such support, but sometimes i need more. someone who knows my shit and can call me on it; who doesn't let me hide, knows when i'm in need... not sure i'll ever find that, but that doesn't stop me from longing for it.

return from dormancy

2009-02-21T22:56:00.013-05:00

if trees could feel, or if i could imbibe the feelings of trees during the dark and frozen winter months, i imagine that they would feel a lot like i feel when the world is so dark and rigid and cold... oppressed by the shrinking of spirits as our corner of the earth turns away from the gentle warm rays of the sun; saddened, groggy, fatigued, and chilled to the core.

my creative energy seems to be the first to go as nature shrinks into itself and goes into hibernation all around me. my motivation drains away and i desire to join the trees and plants and animals in their extended slumber; hidden from the ice and biting winds to sleep away the winter months.

i take long naps and dream of warmth; a sunny spring day, bright flowers, green grass and trees, hot summer sand between my toes as i stroll down the beach, warm sun-kissed skin after a day in the sun...

for a moment, i feel normal again. carefree, joyful, ...alive.

making sense of it all

2008-11-22T05:03:00.004-05:00

i've been in a cleaning and reorganizing mood lately. part of this urge, i believe, is due to my never ending need for visual stimulation and change. part of it is a creative challenge; i have a lot of "stuff"... art stuff, craft stuff, home stuff... rearranging and reorganizing becomes a mind puzzle whose process is extremely satisfying to me. part of it is emotional purging as well. i gather things with an idea in mind, i hold onto the idea but put off its follow through...the stuff sits. eventually, i either get around to following through with the idea, or the "stuff" gets to be part of a once in a while purge.

cleaning and organizing my physical space is the physical process that overlays what is actually going on inside my heart and head; working through old dusty emotions, reorganizing and reprioritizing ideas, goals, dreams, wishes... and sometimes, letting go; casting off that which i no longer have need of and making room for the new, for growth, opportunity, the future...my future.

fifty shades of blue

2008-11-10T00:31:00.000-05:00

i've been at odds with the mood monster as of late. my struggle is a combo deal of sorts; a great and terrible conglomeration of changing cold weather, the hormonal fluctuations that are womanhood, and dealing with the end of a relationship that hit me a bit harder than i expected...i think there's a bit of an immune system struggle going on in my chest as well, so that certainly doesn't help me to feel particularly well or upbeat! not that i want to throw a pity party for myself, i'm just processing...

i need to figure out some good ways to get the mood monster out of my system. i was doing well in the creativity department until last week or so. i had an extremely productive post break-up week, then, after about a week of up and down, things just went down hill creatively and i lost my gumption. i think that's where my immune system came into play as well. i feel like i'm just on the brink of getting sick, but my body continues to fight it....maybe that's why i want to sleep so much lately. i'm trying to indulge my body so as to allow it the energy to fight off whatever respiratory devil it's trying to fight off, but sometimes my creative brain wakes up late in the evening and the two have to duke it out to see who gets priority.

Domestic Goddess

2008-10-24T23:33:00.005-04:00

i've been cooking up a storm lately! i've had domestic energy building up for a while now and cooking seems to be the method of choice lately for getting it out.

today's dinner:
Turkey Chickpea Chili with Cornbread Casserole--a great hearty warm comforting Fall meal!

Turkey Chickpea Chili- (45 min. total)
1 lb. ground turkey (i think the 7-15% is better than the 99% fat free...)
1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1 small sweet/yellow onion
1 clove garlic
1 c. shredded carrots (julienne, not think sliced shredded)
1 can chickpeas (garbanzo beans)
1 lg. can stewed tomatoes
1 c. chicken broth
1/2 c. ketchup
1/4 c. flour to sprinkle in for thickening
1 tbsp. cumin (adjust to taste)
1 tbsp. chili powder (adjust to taste)
1 tsp. cayenne powder (adjust to taste)
salt to taste (i prefer sea salt)

chop the onion, green and red peppers. mince the garlic clove. cut or break up the carrots into smaller pieces. drain and rinse the chickpeas twice.
in a soup pot, short stock pot, or large sauce pan, saute the onion on med-low heat in a bit of olive oil until it begins to brown.
mix in the garlic.
push the onion and garlic to the outsides of the pan and add the peppers. cover the pan and let the peppers sweat for about 1-2 minutes.
move the peppers out of the middle to the outsides of the pan.
add the carrots, cover and let sweat for 2 minutes, stirring them at 1 minute.
move all vegetables to the outsides of the pan and turn heat up to medium-medium high (depending on your range and whether it is gas or electric...).
add the ground turkey, sprinkle about 1 tsp. of salt over the meat. stir the meat to break it up and cook until it is cooked through and no longer pink/raw. (cover and stir at intervals)
stir to incorporate meat and veggies. sprinkle on another tsp. of salt or sprinkle salt to taste.
add the cumin, chili powder, and cayenne powder, mix in well.
add the chickpeas, the stewed tomatoes (including tomato juice), ketchup, and chicken broth. stir to incorporate.
sprinkle chili with 1 tsp. of flour at a time, stirring well to incorporate, until the desired thickness is reached. taste and adjust salt and spices to your personal taste.

allow the chili to simmer on low heat while you prepare the cornbread casserole.

Cornbread Casserole- (35 min. total)
1 box cornbread or corn muffin mix
1 scant c. yellow cornmeal
1/4 c. butter
1 can sweet kernel corn
1 can sweet cream style corn
1 egg
1/4 c. heavy cream (+ extra for serving, 1-2 tbsp. per serving)
1 c. shredded sharp cheddar cheese

melt butter in casserole dish or baking dish (i used a 9" round casserole)
combine all ingredients right in the baking dish
bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes or until just golden on top

To Serve:
spoon Cornbread Casserole into a bowl, pour a little cream over the Cornbread Casserole, spoon Turkey Chickpea Chili over the Cornbread Casserole, sprinkle with some sharp cheddar cheese, and ENJOY!

time: my least favorite thing

2008-10-17T13:17:00.005-04:00

time, is never on our side.
time is the great elusive mind game that one must learn to deal with in order to function effectively in life.
there is never enough time to "do it all" and there never will be; we must each make it a priority to find personal balance where all of the many facets of life converge.

when you sacrifice things that help to keep you well--sleep, personal endeavors, quite meditation, fun, relationships, exercise, nourishment-- for the sake of time to do things that "must" be done--school work, occupational work, commitments to others--this sacrifice bubbles over into ALL areas of your life and you can be neither completely effective nor completely happy in any of your pursuits. not to mention the fact that to continue to do so, will eventually run you down and bring you to a place where you begin to doubt your own personal worth.

find something that nourishes your spirit and make time to do it AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN. you may not be able to afford time every day, but one should never go more than a few days without at least an hour of personal enrichment.

rejuvenation and the slow turn around

2008-10-13T19:20:00.002-04:00

working on slowly turning this day...the past few days...back around to a place of productivity and positive energy.

a short summary:
friday and saturday=good; spent some good fun time with my family.

sunday=started good but took a turn for the worse with my cousin from VA ending up in the hospital with a ruptured tubal pregnancy and me playing chauffeur/grandma-sitter/baby sitter for my g-ma and my cousin's 18 mo. old baby when i should have been writing a paper that is due on Tues...stayed up after everyone went to bed until 3am monday working on it.

monday=started too early as i had to, again, help my g-ma with the baby--a 33 lb. 18 mo. old whom g-ma cannot lift. so sleep deprived and annoyed--my g-ma is not the most tolerable person on the planet--i have to try to be productive. granted, my sisters provided some needed respite in the midst of it all... but the atmosphere was still not conducive to what i needed to get done.

alas, the slow turn around began when i got some good news from a wonderful friend regarding a certain type of journal i'm in LOVE with. i've not been able to find them in my local area. she's visiting her family out west and, as it turns out, found them at the local Borders and purchased a few for me; YEAH! i was so happy i wanted to cry, literally!! then, despite wanting more time to spend with my mom whom i've not been able to see much during my time home, i have run away to the local Panera Bread for free wireless and some, hopefully, quiet productive time and rejuvenation.

how is it that i always end up feeling like i need a break from my breaks?

still waiting for my decoder ring

2008-10-07T00:33:00.007-04:00

the exclamation point that made my day:
do you ever think about how an exclamation point changes the tone of a written phrase? such punctuation can be especially meaningful when it is used by a person whom you wouldn't typically expect such emphasis from, OR in a situation where you wouldn't expect a certain level of emphasis. it seems small, but it was meaningful to me. am i reading too much into it? probably. let's just face it, i'm still waiting for my decoder ring.

cost benefit analysis

2008-10-02T14:09:00.011-04:00

what is the cost of a full moment today and an empty heart tomorrow?

on the road to my future, divergent paths cloud my journey with uncertainty and i am lost."i'm happy to be with you now..." it says, as i lay vulnerable in it's warm outstretched arms. when given the choice between a fleeting "now" and an uncertain "future" how do i choose?

this pebble on my heart weighs evermore and more with each passing moment. "don't be sad. this is life, you've got to live it." it says. but at what cost? i wonder... am i wasting my time, wasting my life, giving myself away to a force that will bear me no return?

when the cost of a full moment today is an empty heart tomorrow, is there a benefit?

i think my heart knows, but do i?

mud pies and mis-matched clothes:

2008-09-15T18:12:00.007-04:00

i'd like to return to a simpler time in my life... certain portions of my childhood.

lots of people have been asking me lately what my plans for the future are... i wish i knew the answer to that question.
i had to explain my dilemma to a college aged friend/pseudo-sibling the other day... i'm feeling ready to move on from my job, but just jumping into grad school like i'd like to isn't as simple at this current stage in my life as it might have been just 1 or 2 years out of college.

things are more complicated now...
i've got bills...car, insurance, cell phone, and undergrad student loan payments; i'd need insurance and a steady source of income...
with all of these things in the picture, i need not only to be accepted into a grad program, i need a viable job in the near vicinity of the school, and housing... an apartment or equivalent. given that i currently live where i work and don't pay rent, the concept of paying rent etc. is another daunting idea on top of the aforementioned things.

heart palpitations.

not to mention the time and energy it will take to coordinate all of these things... my life is hectic as it is right now with my job and a decent personal life. just thinking about the time and energy it will take to fill out and submit app's and my portfolio, search for jobs, revise and send out resume's, search for an apartment... it sends me into a mental tailspin. not that i want to make excuses, i just wish it was easier to transition.

not to mention the idea of possibly moving away from my friends and even further away from my family.

more heart palpitations.

sometimes i just want to be a little kid again.

9.14.08 copied from journal entry written at Four Beans Coffeehouse:

2008-09-14T16:30:00.002-04:00

no gravity, my conceptual hell reality

no water no air inside my mind
I float through space and time to find
the dark and empty warm of lost
to fill my heart despite the cost
the moon so full my heart so round
it floats and swells upon the sound
of sandy crystals full of time
that fall through cracks inside my mind

can you see my thoughts?

2008-09-12T02:41:00.006-04:00

how do i justify the brain train that currently occupies the space in my head? the concurrent strands of spinning spiraling questions that dance across my gray matter and disappear into the distance, if only for a moment, before they reappear transformed and infinitely more complex.
how do i accurately choose the few strands that might give light to the story of intrigue and delight my mind is weaving at any given moment... how do i answer the question, "what are you thinking?"

most of the time, the answer that seems to make the most sense is, "everything and nothing."

this is the truth and yet one might ask how such an answer can even seem to make sense, or if it does... crazy, crazy you say? look inside your own mind, really get in there and truly SEE what is there. then tell me that, "everything and nothing" doesn't make just as much sense to you.

see.

i told you.

No pictures, just words... R.I.P. Digital Camera

2008-09-12T02:29:00.002-04:00

this post shall take a sad tone, as i am mourning the loss of my dear departed digital camera. i was celebrating it's life the other evening by taking many interesting and obscure pictures when fate struck my hand and my poor digital camera did slip from my fingers and crash to the floor; lens mangled to pieces beyond recognition.

i realize it's just a camera, a conglomeration of cold metal inter-working electronic parts, but it was also a part of me. an extension of my creative vision and exploration. i wanted to fall to the floor and weep in despair... alas, i had to pull myself together and go to work.

i have 2 weddings to go to this weekend, which i'd love to document, but i can't quite bring myself to purchase a replacement camera, not yet.

i'm funny...

2008-09-06T23:31:00.003-04:00

when i don't try and i just let whatever is in my brain flow out, in the moment, i can be pretty damn witty and clever! i think that certain people bring that out in me, which i appreciate because i like that side of myself... it's a total bonus when i make someone else AND myself laugh in the same moment! usually it's just me, chuckling at my own goofy self or laughing at the funnies that scroll across the marquee of my mind.

sometimes people are so serious or sensitive about everything that it's nice to have someone who encourages, even inspires, me to take myself, and well, everything, less seriously. helps to balance me out. and balance, after-all, is what i'm all about in life.

"i just called to make sure you had a good day,"...

2008-09-06T00:05:00.000-04:00

he said on the other end of the line and i almost melted into a little puddle.

i have realized recently that when i am able to keep my expectations at bay and not hold people to "secret contracts," as author and psychoanalyst Adam Phillips calls them, i am constantly and pleasantly surprised at how sweet, perceptive, and reliable people are. when i'm not holding someone to a specific and usually unattainable standard that i have created in my silly little head, i can more fully appreciate them, in every respect.

i'm less anxious about things this time around. i have yet to puzzle out whether this is due to maturity and learning through experience on my part, or whether it is due to the calming effect he seems to have on me; i suspect it is a lovely and intoxicating combination of the two. i don't feel the anxious need to talk to or communicate with him every day or even every other day...and when i do think about wanting to call or chat later in the day, he beats me to it and usually within 5-10 minutes of my having had the thought; it's eery. i keep thinking that it's just coincidence... but it keeps happening.

"i just called to make sure you had a good day," he said on the other end of the line and i almost melted into a little puddle.

and the world spins madly on

2008-09-03T19:31:00.009-04:00

i love that song by the weepies...

today the world moves rapidly around me...grey clouds press down and squelch my energy. i press on, longing for energetic relief... the comfort of caffeine and mental escape my only solace.

I feel heavy with lethargy... my eyes feel heavy in their sockets, my thoughts heavy in my head. as i move, the contents of my imagination slosh around, thick, inside my brain. the air feels heavy on my skin, my feet feel heavy in my ballet slipper shoes.

this excerpt, from Robert Frost's The Birches, pretty accurately captures the feeling of the day:

"i'd like to get away form earth a while
then come back and begin all over
let no fate willfully misunderstand me
and half grant what i wish and snatch me away not to return
earth's the right place for love
i don't know where it's bound to go better."

i long for a calmer pace to life, but i am forced to operate at the pace of the world around me. it wears me out. it's not quite a "take it or leave it" kind of feeling. there are things that i love about the world and would, if i had the choice, carry certain things with me always. but then, there are things like time that seem like their only purpose is to limit and frustrate me. it wears me out.

part-time lover...full-time creative thinker

2008-08-31T17:54:00.001-04:00

i seem to be having a problem making time for creative ventures lately. i've become a part-time lover to myself and my right-brain. it's not that i want to be neglectful of my need for creative outlets, but work has had me in a tailspin for the past 3 or so weeks. spare time that i do manage to find i spend with my friends or the man in my life (don't get me wrong, they are WELL worth my time!)...that, or i work feverishly at keeping my apartment clean so that it doesn't become a disaster in the midst of my busy life, thus blocking up my creative flow even further... i can't work in the midst of a mess. ...figurative or literal, ha.

for now, as i spend time posting instead of actually doing a creative project (since i do have a bit of time but no materials close at hand), i'm going to write about a few ideas that i've had recently: (pictures to come...)

1) i love fabric and tend to collect fabrics that appeal to my eye so that i can have fun fabric whenever the idea for a project, sewing or otherwise, strikes me. i also love painting. i've decided to combine the two. my idea is to stretch fabric (one with a fun or cute print) over stretcher bars like one would a canvas for painting. then i'll prepare just a portion of the "canvas" with gesso...a circle in the bottom right corner, or a rectangle evenly spaced in the middle...and create a painting on the prepared area that jibes with the pattern on the fabric, but is different enough that it stands out. i think it will be fabuous! now i just have to find the time to start...

2) one random craft project that i do is making decoupaged magnets/thumbtacks (pictures to come) out of random magazine clippings and those round glass stones (the 1 in. round ones for magnets, and the 1/2 in. ones for thumbtacks) that you can get at craft stores. my idea is this: instead of making magnets or thumbtacks with them, choose a picture or make a collage, and then apply the glass stones, mosaic style, on top of the picture so that it creates a mosaic like work of art...you could also cut the picture up as it corresponds to the stones and then re-glue it down in order so that it is just the picture under the stones and not between them... it will take some experimenting to see how it looks best.

3) i've taken this community ceramics class for the past several months (spring semester and summer...) and i'm going to take it again this fall. i need to post some pictures of the stuff that i've made, but i've also got some great ideas for new pieces... one of them is a sort of dark but beautiful take off of the Leona Lewis song Bleeding Love... it involves an anatomically correct ceramic representation of a heart... i don't want to spoil the idea, so that'll just have to be a "wait and see"! i think it's the project that i'm the most excited to see come to fruition.

the show

2008-08-26T01:45:00.017-04:00

I'm just a little bit
caught in the middle
Life is a maze
and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone
(I've tried)
and I don't know why

I am just a little girl
lost in the moment
I'm so scared
but don't show it
I can't figure it out
it's bringing me down
I know
I've got to let it go
and just enjoy the show
-Lenka

"dream catch me...

2008-07-06T02:15:00.004-04:00

dream catch me when i fall, or else i won't come back at all."

i am enchanted in this world that i have created for myself. i close my eyes and reach out my hand...,"trust me!" it calls. i'm reluctant, but i push on through a door and then i'm falling like Alice down the rabbit hole; it's comfortable and i feel lightened, free...
i float down like a feather and land in a place that is strange but familiar. it smells like warm milk, rose petal soap, sun kissed skin...the scents of my childhood. "where am i?" i whisper to myself. my words echo strangely inside my own head... inside my own head... inside my own head.

"there's a place i go when i'm alone, do anything i want, be anyone i want to be. but is us i see and i cannot believe i'm falling. that's where i'm going, where are you going? hold it close, won't let this go. dream catch me... dream catch me when i fall, or else i won't come back at all." -Newton Faulkner

wake up and smell the...

2008-06-25T15:29:00.005-04:00

i've been absent from the blogging world for the past few weeks due to several reasons...
i work at a school and the end of the year is always busy, busy, busy.
due to my need to be connected via computer for so much of my job, i really wanted to start the summer on a sort of hiatus from my computer etc. i was in need of reconnecting with my inner self; re-learning how to be aware of the world around me instead of retreating into my head.

with that said, as a tool in my personal quest i've been using a wonderful book that i had learned about and then happened upon and purchased while i was visiting my mom in Connecticut. the book is Caffeine For The Creative Mind: 250 Exercises To Wake Up Your Brain by Stefan Mumaw and Wendy Lee Oldfield. the exercises are fun and really get you thinking outside of the box...or in my case, outside of my own head!

i woke up this morning with the phrase, "wake up and smell the_____" (fill in the blank, my thought train didn't go to the usuals...) and as my morning unfolded, i found myself having fun trying to describe the smell of different words that could be inserted in the blank.
for example, while i was in the shower i came up with this one:

wake up and smell the...
crazy:
it's metallic and sinister, cold and just a little bit tangy; the kind of tangy that gets you in the glands right behind your jaw bones, where you can't tell if it hurts or tickles.

i know that's kind of dark, but part of my quest in living outside of my head is to embrace both the dark and the light...i've come to realize that i can be quite a dark person, and i'm ok with that!

A Rainy Wednesday Mosaic

2008-06-25T14:24:00.004-04:00

1. MARE FINTO..., 2. Kuwait Water Tower, 3. goshen high school gymnasium, 4. vw, 5. Sri Randal Randal 5/13/08, 6. [imerovigli], 7. New York, New York, 8. Verme, 9. Relax

as inspired by creative kismet

trying to move forward

2008-05-18T22:29:00.021-04:00

why is it that when you want to forget about something and move on, that specific thing keeps popping up everywhere? you think that you're making progress and then, "wham!" it pops up out of nowhere annoyingly waving in your face saying, "haha, i'm still here. don't forget about me!"

i got my tarot cards/palm read for my birthday (it was my request and i have AWESOME friends who took me out!).

the recurring theme was that i needed to let go of certain things...people...past relationships and trust myself. i know...my head knows, what i need, what i need to do, where i need to go etc. i know this--most of what she told me just reinforced things that i already "knew"--but recently, it has proven extremely difficult to follow through on some of these things. especially where "letting go" is concerned.

faces, memories, past events pop up in dreams or just in the back of my mind...floating there just in the periphery, never completely out of sight or thought. taunting and tormenting me, haunting my dreams, reminding me... pulling emotions and memories back from times past to the surface of my present life.
she (Caroline, the psychic, tarot card, and palm reader) asked at the end of the reading if i had any questions...i didn't then. but now, now there is a whole host of questions floating around in my head. why is it so hard to let go of certain things/people? what do i need to do to make that process move forward...to get the things that i WANT to let go of out of my head? do i have a hard time letting certain things go because they are significant in some way that i haven't figured out yet? or because i have unfinished business?

mirror, mirror, on the wall...

2008-05-06T00:20:00.009-04:00

who's had the crappiest day of them all?

so today was one of those days where, looking back, you regret ever getting out of bed. nothing went right, nothing felt right, i had no energy or drive or motivation, hormones had my memory in a full nelson with no signs of loosening their grip. i'd think to do something and i'd turn around to go do it and have already forgotten what it was that was in my head not 10 seconds ago. re-tracing my steps usually helps, but you can't get very far in a day when you spend the majority of your time backtracking trying to remember what it was that you were just about to do.

the savior to the day is that it's almost over and i got through it. i guess on days like today, that's all you can really ask for. tomorrow will be better, i'm almost certain of it. the fact that i can be certain about anything in my current emotional state is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

i'll go to bed, wake up tomorrow with renewed energy, and, in the words of as smart little fish, "just keep swimming."

Things I've made pt. deux...

2008-04-13T12:13:00.013-04:00

ok, so where was i? ah yes...

#4 Re-claimed chairs:

chair number two isn't quite finished yet, but it IS painted. i just need to rough up the paint a little and screw the seat back on. this was a very fun and rewarding project...even though it took me a few months to complete (when i probably could have gotten them done in one good solid day of free time). guess that tells you a lot about the amount of free time i have lately, huh?!

#5 Paintings:

i call this one, "concentric circles of thöt"

i call this one, "blended shades of new"

#6 Collage journal covers:
pictures to come...

i make a new version of one of these each year for the seniors in my wing at work. i put together a little graduation gift for each of them and the collage journal cover that fits the tiny sized composition books is a Sukey original.

Things I've made...

2008-04-13T01:45:00.016-04:00

So, in the spirit of getting my handmade crafts out in the public eye, this post will be a collection of pictures and descriptions of all of the things I make or have made recently.

#1 Art supply tool rolls:
This is the roll that I keep all of my "travel" journaling/art supplies in.

It holds a travel watercolor kit, a pair of scissors, various drawing impliments (drawing pencils, felt tip pens, colored pencils, blending sticks, erasers, sharpener), and a few paint brushes.

This is the roll that I keep all of my paint brushes in.

It has a shorter front set of pockets for my short brushes and a higher back set of pockets for my long brushes.

#2 Tote bags:
This tote bag I made for myself. I also made one for my mom that has a light blue lining.

#3 Aprons:
This is an apron I made for my friend Caitlin.

I made one for my mom out of the same fabric as the first art tool roll, but I can't find the picture right now...

So, that's only just a start. It's getting late and I need to get some shut-eye. I'll post more later... I've still got my two re-claimed chairs (finally finished) to post pictures of, and a few paintings I've done.

Ciao!

food creations

2008-03-24T20:09:00.003-04:00

sometimes, i indulge in the creative process through collaging, sometimes through painting, through clay, or rearranging my apartment. sometimes, my creativity comes out through the food i make.

this evening, while visiting my mom in Connecticut, i made the yummiest pizza i've made yet. it was a pre-mixed herbed pizza dough from Trader Joe's (baked a bit first, then drizzled with olive oil before adding ingredients), chicken apple sausage, sundried tomatoes, spinach, mixed gourmet mushrooms, fresh garlic, fresh mozzarella, and a light sprinkling of parmesan and romano cheeses (just to give it a kick). made the crust thin and baked it till it was golden on the bottom and the cheese was melty, bubbly, and golden on top.

i should be a pizza chef...that's all i have to say!

a cosmic joke on humankind/a giant universal tennis match

2008-03-14T21:29:00.011-04:00

Painting by my brother-in-law Oren Goppert

why is it that, whenever an emotional "snafoo" occurs between two people, being ready to apologize for certain behavior and being able to accept an apology never quite line up? it feels like a big joke that the universe is playing us...like the pain of the ordeal that we originally went through wasn't enough, the universe needs to get that last little jab in once we have come to terms with our own junk and are trying to make peace with the one(s) we hurt. ridiculous i say, just plain ridiculous!

i got to the point where i had grown enough to realize that i needed to apologize, i formulated and executed a sincere and heartfelt apology, and now i have to be ok with simply having said my peace...? no acknowledgment or acceptance from the apologized-to-party? ugh...people are just too confusing; why was i ever interested in psychology?

on the other hand, i keep trying to "let go of" someone from my past, but every time i'm just about to the point where this person stops showing up on my radar, something happens that pulls this person back into focus...an email/a dream/a facebook post.

my friend Sari experienced the same thing recently and this is what she had to say on the matter, "You bounce thoughts out into the universe and eventually it bounces them back to you... It's like a giant universal tennis match."

how ironic that zero points in tennis is called "love."

mood collage

2008-03-11T03:06:00.000-04:00

Weird mood song of the moment...

2008-03-11T02:32:00.004-04:00

Best of You by the Foo Fighters

i've got another confession to make
i'm your fool
everyone's got their chains to break
holding you
were you born to resist or be abused?
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

are you gone and on to someone new?
i needed somewhere to hang my head
without your noose
you gave me something that i didn't have
but had no use
i was too weak to give in
too strong to lose
my heart is under arrest again
but i break loose
my head is giving me life or death
but i can' t choose
i swear i'll never give in
i refuse
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
has someone taken your faith?
it's real the pain you feel
you trust, you must confess
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

has someone taken your faith?
it's real the pain you feel
the life, the love
you'd die to heal
the hope that starts the broken hearts
you trust, you must confess
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

i've got another confession my friend
i'm no fool
i'm getting tired of starting again
somewhere new
where you born to resist or be abused?
i swear i'll never give in
i refuse
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

has someone taken your faith?
it's real the pain you feel
you trust, you must confess
is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

wireless at "home" is nice/being sick stinks/the road to "normalcy"

2008-03-08T02:04:00.007-05:00

it's 1:30 am Indiana time...i just got in for a weekend of family birthday celebrations. we have LOTS of March b-days in our fam...Dad, Mom, big sis, and 3 nephews all with March b-days. now that people are scattered about, we pick a weekend for everyone to come together to celebrate them all. anyhoo, getting in so late is usually a drag bacause i'm a night owl and everyone else goes to bed pretty early. however, dad FINALLY installed a wireless router last time i was home so i can play on my laptop and keep myself entertained until i am ready to go to bed.

this evening i shall back track blog a little...since i've been absent due to sickness.

so i was hella sick for about 5 days before i got to go to the doctor, but god bless antibiotics because, 10 days of amoxicillin and a week of normal sleep later, i'm feeling MUCH better! still not 100% back to "normal"--being gone to a conference for work over a weekend and having to catch up with missed work when you get back will do that to you--but i'm on the road there, which feels GREAT!

other than getting over sickness, i've also been feeling more peppy now that the sun is beginning to shine more frequently. i get to feeling SO moody and gloomy during the winter months that once the sun begins to stick around more in early to mid March...it's almost euphoric. i'm more productive, i have more energy...i'm really beginning to think that i need to move somewhere where the sun has more of a year round presence. location suggestions welcomed.

it's times like this that i dream of going back to Maui. i visited Maui last summer with two of my best girlfriends...it was spectacular! here's a sample of the spectacularness:

nice, huh?!?!

well, it's getting late and i need to get some rest if i'm going to have energy for family time tomorrow.

goodnight moon, goodnight air, goodnight noises everywhere :)

portrait of a sick day

2008-02-22T00:02:00.003-05:00

so after getting back from visiting with my family, a nasty sickness bug has taken up residence in my chest and sinuses and i find myself stranded on my couch. i've set up my medicine and entertainment supplies on my coffee table as i rarely have the energy to move.

as much as anyone loves to stay home from work on a day that they are feeling under the weather, it's hella boring staying in my apartment on the couch all day. i think the thing that makes it unbearable the most is not having the energy to do ANYTHING. i had to give myself a pep talk just to get up to go to the bathroom!

i remember being sick when i was a kid--i got strep throat a lot when i was young--i would lay on the couch trying to remember what it felt like to be normal and not sick. i remember thinking that i would give ANYTHING to feel normal again.

that's how i feel today. here's to hoping tomorrow is better...

Home, sweet home

2008-02-17T18:56:00.007-05:00

standing in front of a sink full of dirty dishes and steamy hot dish water, i stare lazily out the dark rain spotted windows in front of me. my hands automatically scrub and wipe, rinse and put aside the dishes that are a product of the fantastically large meal that i cooked and just finished eating with my family; dad, sisters, brother, and nephews. i'm visiting at my parents house in Indiana for the weekend because the residential school where i work is on a long weekend break. mom's not here because she's doing some traveling nursing and is currently stationed in Norwalk, CT, but we all got to talk to her on the phone earlier, so it feels like she was here, at least for a little while.
as i scrub chocolate off mixing bowls and cheese sauce off the large stock pot that, about an hour ago, held 2 lbs. of my fantastic home-made macaroni and cheese, i am composing this post in my head...

i find that i often become "chef sarah" when i'm home; my passion for cooking large semi-elaborate meals re-emerges because i actually have people to cook for. today, for a Sunday afternoon family dinner, my nephew, Michael, requested macaroni and cheese (home-made of course!) so macaroni and cheese it was...and for dessert, the flourless chocolate cake that i saw on the food network the other day, mmm, yummy! of course i can't leave the serious meat eaters without a meat option, so i also made some applewood smoked turkey tenderloins that i found in the freezer...they were actually pretty good.

i've come to love weekends like this. sometimes it's hard to leave my space and my day-to-day routine behind, but as soon as i walk through the door of my Indiana home and am greeted by Sid and Nilly (our dogs, a black Labradoodle and a yellow Lab), or my 21 yr. old "little" brother who, in a silly semi-lispy voice, greets me, "hi sissy," i'm right as rain again...because i'm home.

a serious case of the blahs

2008-02-06T01:53:00.001-05:00

what the hell's the deal with all of this crappy weather? seriously! the chicagoland area has been in a depressing cycle of knee deep snow, a bit of warm weather to melt the snow into ocean sized puddles...freezing temps, MORE freakin' snow, warm temps PLUS RAIN to melt the snow AGAIN and add to the already GIGANTIC puddles, another temp drop and MORE effing snow!!! i'm about ready to sell my new car on the black market for a one-way ticket to somewhere sunny and warm. GEEZ!

...i think i could handle a crappy job in a restaurant or a small grocery store somewhere as long as i could go to the beach every evening and on weekends...

seriously though, if i don't see the sun soon...if i have to live through another crappy, damp, cold, GREY day, i just might melt into a lethargic gooey mess.

not even going to the gym seems to help. i've been to the gym twice in the past 4 days and i still feel like someone drove a Mac truck over my mood. UGH. i've even tried "eating a cookie." sorry al and katie...i'm not sure i believe your theory. though, maybe you have a point in it being an everyday experience...maybe i should give it a chance.

here's to hoping

Howl's Moving Castle

2008-02-02T12:31:00.001-05:00

I just finished watching the movie "Howl's Moving Castle" by Hayao Miyazaki. It's a wonderful film, equally as wonderful (if not a little bit more) as his 2001 film "Spirited Away."

I'm a sucker for movies and stories that transport the watcher/reader into fantastical worlds of magical adventures. But this movie does that without you even realizing it, I loved it! Rent or borrow it soon and let me know what you think.

fun with a blood orange

2008-01-31T01:22:00.000-05:00

oranges are good. blood oranges (moro oranges) area SUPER TASTEY! and they are pretty too.
not only are they a georgous maroon red color on the inside, the skin is a beautiful bright orange blushed by the same georgeous maroon red color.
seeing how i'm stuck at work late at night on my day off because of an emergency situation, i spent some time exploring the digital macro setting on my digital camera taking pictures of the fabulous color and texture of the blood orange i ate for a snack...while watching Little Miss Sunshine.
they say that "necessity is the mother of invention." i say, "boredom is the mother of abstract creativity!"

"Put me in the Zoo!"

2008-01-28T03:08:00.000-05:00

today i've come to a point where i'm tired of being responsible. i'm tired of always doing for others, always doing the right thing, the responsible thing. i'm feeling a great urge to be irresponsible, live wildly, throw caution to the wind...to do things for ME.

it's like i'm being ripped in two...one part of me screams, "get in your car and just start driving...run away, see where the road takes you!" and the other is saying, "but i have a job...responsibilities. ...there are certain expectations that others have of me." how can i possibly find the motivation to get out of bed tomorrow, go to a stuffy "supervisors" workshop for FOUR hours, have meetings with my staff, and then come to work in the evening when all i really want to do is to just disappear?

i feel like i did when i was a kid... sometimes i'd get so upset at the fact that my parents obviously didn't understand how much something upset me or how important something was to me, i'd hide and think of running away form home. i'm sure most people did this as a kid...you start thinking, "when i'm gone they'll finally realize what they missed out on, how important i was." and you'd wait, in your hiding place, hoping that a worried parent who had been searching high and low for you would find you and, in the time you'd been "gone," would have come to an understanding of what was going through your head.

maybe if i disappeared they'd realize how much i did to help them...how much work i absorbed that they never had to worry about--work that they never even knew went on.

how can my sense of duty be SO strong that it keeps me in a place that drives me to, what feels to me like, madness...head spinning, hair pulling, mind boggling, possibly certifiable, madness.

if i could only take a picture of the mess that lives inside my head right now...

i could try to explain the chain of events that took me from having a fairly productive and relaxing day off to wanting to disappear into the night...but i don't feel like recounting them at the moment. i'm frustrated enough already.

creative emotion purge

2008-01-26T17:02:00.000-05:00

so i think i'm in need of some serious creative emotional purging, but i'm having a hard time finding the right project or the motivation in the midst of my hectic life.

you see, recently i've found myself in the middle of a very "High Fidelity" style relationship "what if?" psyche-crisis-cycle (eat your heart out DSM IV-TR!). i'm tired of certain things from my past creeping into my everyday thoughts, but i can't seem to shake them from my brain. i try distracting myself, but reminders and memory triggers of all sorts seem to be waiting around every corner...
i understand that these types of things are part of an emotional growth period, and i want to continue growing... but that doesn't stop me from being tired of it. i'm sick of the tumult in my heart and my head, i need peace for a while.

activities i am going to try in efforts to purge my current emotional demons:
wild unrestricted journaling
unabashedly-wild painting (on a BIG canvas)
intense apartment cleaning (my shower grout always gives me a good workout...)
organizing (anything and everything in my apartment; order in my physical surroundings always makes me feel better)
uploading pictures of and blogging about my pre-motivation drought crafty endeavors

In Honduras

2008-01-07T22:42:00.000-05:00

so, i haven't posted in a while because the holidays were busy with traveling back and forth between work and visiting my family in Indiana... then once i was back at work, i had to make final preparations for taking 11 high school students on a trip to Honduras, where i am currently posting from. Yes, the orphanage where we are volunteering for the week has satellite wireless and i can get a signal on my laptop if i sit outside on the steps of San Christobal, the visitors house.

So my basic mission in posting was to post some pictures and outline, in brief, what i am doing here. a co-worker and I brought a group of 11 students from our school to visit and volunteer at Nuestros Pequeños Hermanos Orphanage in Honduras. we have a former co-worker who is doing a year of volunteer service here and we decided that it would be a great opportunity and experience to come visit her and see what NPH is like.

our first two days have been great! we've met a lot of the kids, eaten meals with them, taken lots of pictures (they LOVE to have their pictures taken and will BEG to pose and to have you let them take pictures too!) and are getting acclimated to the lay of the land (it is a HUGE Rancho and we walk A LOT!) and the day to day activities. tomorrow we will help with work around the ranch, either on the farm, in the garden, in the tortilla house, or in the kitchen.

more later in the week, hasta luego!

today was...

2007-12-17T23:31:00.000-05:00

interesting, nerve wracking, slightly painful, expensive, purposeful, restful, chilly, scrumptious, tragic, sad, a reminder that life--every inhale and every exhale--and those we care for and love--from co-workers we interact with on a daily basis to the family and friends who define large parts of who we are--are precious and so very fragile.

allow me to elaborate.
today i had to get up early to go to the Health Department in the county over from mine to get vaccinations in preparation for my trip to Honduras in January. that's right folks, Honduras. a co-worker and i will be taking a group of 11 students to do volunteer work at an orphanage for a week between our fall and spring semesters. now, i'm not a big fan of needles, but i can generally calm my self down and, as the nurse was particularly calm, i did well with the shots i got. though, the first one, i could feel the liquid move into and through my arm and it eventually led to a very stiff sore shoulder for the remainder of the day. still, $145 is a small price to pay to ensure that i am vaccinated against Hep. A and Typhoid fever.

then i had meetings i had to be back at work for from 10:30-3 and then i was done for the day. so i took a nap, because going to bed at 3am because you can't fall asleep and getting up at 7:30am to drive to get shots, then 4 1/2 hours of meetings = tired me!

then i went to the grocery store with a friend and baked cookies which was a good time. we are doing a cookie exchange at work tomorrow. christmas sugar cookies, that's all i'm going to say.

then the tragic, sad, everything else part happened.

on my way out to get some time away (i live/work at a "boarding" high school), i found out that a co-worker's dad had just passed away unexpectedly, most likely from a heart attack. my dad had a massive heart attack a year ago January and barely made it through. this co-worker just got engaged...it's a week before christmas, and now, her dad is gone. i can't even imagine...
it brought a lot of emotions and memories rushing back from when my dad had his heart attack and they just kept replaying over and over in my head throughout the rest of the evening.
i was working when my sister called me. at first, i was in shock and then... i just freaked out and started balling uncontrollably. i called two of my good friends and they came to help me get calmed down, packed, and ready to go home to be with my family...
i remember getting into my apartment and just falling to the floor, crying uncontrollably, my friends at my sides. in that moment, i didn't know if my dad would still be alive by the time i got home. i was so incredibly scared.
i was beside myself.
even now, just thinking about that moment makes me queasy.

my family and i were lucky, we got a second chance. it's not fair that her family has to go through this right now, in the midst of the holidays.

it's a great big dose of perspective, you know?

you say you want a revolution...

2007-12-11T02:25:00.000-05:00

so i started this project a few weeks ago, i'm re-claiming some old grungy chairs and making them super cute. i awoke one day a few weeks ago inspired to find a set of chairs to paint yellow. well, my weekly adventures led me to a new thrift store on the other side of town from where i frequent, and there i found my chairs...for $7.50 ea. though, rather than just plain wooden chairs like i thought i was looking for, the chairs that found me had covered seats; which took me to a whole new level of inspiration. i LOVE fabric and sewing projects, so i started looking through my piles of fabric to see what i might be able to use and the rest, as "they" say, is history. i finished the seats about a week and a half ago on a weekend visit home to Inidana where my parents live. now i just need to find the time to finish sanding and painting the wood so i can fasten the seats back on and start using them at my kitchen table. alas, time does not seem to be on my side lately.what would the world be like if we all just quit our jobs and did crafts all day long? would our crafts become our jobs like in the old days; bartering and trading our wares for other's grown and handmade goods? let's start a craft revolution, who's with me?

Only 15 crafting days till Christmas!

2007-12-09T16:33:00.000-05:00

so Christmas is sneaking up on me faster than i think it ever has. i'm not sure if this is a product of my own life getting bussier and faster paced, or if it's just a coincidence, but i've not started a lot of the projects i want to get done for the big day and time is running OUT. not to mention that i have family members who have requested particular store bought gifts (ugh) that i still have to go out and purchase.

don't get me wrong, i love, LOVE Christmas, but all i really want to do is be back at my parent's house already (that's where my sibs and i all converge for the holiday), with my bedroom set up as my own little holiday workshop. i want to spend time with my family and make cookies with my adorable nephews during the day and spend all evening (and sometimes a good portion of the night) holed up in my room in my pj's watching great movies and crafting away. whether it's those projects i want to get done for giving away (fused plastic bag totes from craftzine, the stripe-y patchwork cat from Green Kitchen) or other ongoing projects that i have in the works or want to try my hand at...all i really want for Christmas is some time to craft.

i think one of the biggest problems i have is that my job (which i do love) often times takes so much energy that, once i have free time, all i want to do is...well nothing, to be perfectly honest. when i get done with work i just want to sit and do nothing. also the grey weather and early sunset lately don't make things any easier! i like snow, but you've got to have sun to balance it out. the sun makes the snow all sparkly and bright, then the cold doesn't get to you so much. but when it's cold and snowy, grey outside, AND it's dark by 4:30pm on top of it all, it's very very hard for me to muster up the energy to do productive crafty things. i want to curl up on my couch and watch TV or read, or go back to sleep, i love sleep too :)

i'm making a goal for myself for this evening; at least 2 hours of productive craft time on projects that i will give away as gifts for Christmas. let's hope my muse isn't feeling the same way i am...

blended shades of new

2007-12-08T04:02:00.000-05:00

so i can't sleep and as i was contemplating what to do about it, i decided to stop procrastinating and finally create the Blog i've been thinking about for some time now. i hope to let it be a creative outlet and inspiration for the crafty and creative things i want to do more often, share more with a broad audience (read:: fear of judgement...), and eventually turn into a career.

my first post, as it was the first thing that came into my head as i got out of bed and made way to my computer, will be on my new years resolutions. i usually don't make them because i usually fail miserably at keeping them; alas, i've decided to give it one more shot.

without further ado:
1. drink more water
2. spend less $$
3. make more time for artsy/crafty adventures
4. seek knowledge more purposefully
5. eat veggies more regularly (i love veggies, but i eat them in spurts)
6. love my body (whether by exercising or buying it a new accessory)
7. finish/update my art portfolio
8. apply to grad schools (art therapy programs)
9. move forward, in all aspects of life

i do things in 3's...i like 3. thus, 9 resolutions instead of 10.

[painting by sukey, 2003, "blended shades of new "]